Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize