Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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