There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
