apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
