please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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