I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
