i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
