Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
