Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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