Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I accidentally burped into my bong.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
