Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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