their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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