I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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