lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
