Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
