my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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