I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
