Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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