It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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