Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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