if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
