um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
