this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize