Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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