We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
