Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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