A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
