So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
