Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize