You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
