since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
