not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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