I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize