life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
