This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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