it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize