We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're like the curious george of whores
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
