he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
