VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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