Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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