How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
