I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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