the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
