I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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