new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
