end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
