I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
