you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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