At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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