watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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