I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
