I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
