I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
