he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
