Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
