Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
