He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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