My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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