He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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