Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
