I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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