3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize