4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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