i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
