Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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