3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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