I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We're too hungover to prance.
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