do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
