trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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