Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Actions speak louder than pants.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
