Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
