U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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