can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
