mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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