he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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