in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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